if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
