theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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