I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
