well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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