I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
