home. puking in laundry basket.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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