i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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