Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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