I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
