do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
You can't special order awesome
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
