That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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