then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
it's like iHOP with fire
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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