My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
