i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
