Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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