I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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