What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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