please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
