Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
