don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
