we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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