My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize