Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
