capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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