careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
