hotel room ftw
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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