i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize