2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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