Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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