We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
