So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
