Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
