Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
