I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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