just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize