**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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