evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
