i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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