soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize