Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize