We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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