Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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