I will die if light touches me.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
