carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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