Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
