She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
