Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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