Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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