I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
