dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
