I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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