If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize