i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
