3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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