i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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