help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
