No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
