my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
