Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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