She just used a chaser for red wine.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
