guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize