its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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