I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
