If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i dont even know how to be here
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize