thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize