Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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