she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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