I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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