2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
