If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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