He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
