I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize